Monday, September 14, 2015

Repost: How I Learned To Love My Baby



September is not just back to school time. Believe it or not, September is a very popular month to give birth in. Many babies are born in September. They are the adorable end of summer babies and beginning of Fall newborns. I have had the pleasure of meeting a lot of newborns of friends and family lately which has been so sweet. I love being around babies and I enjoy talking to the moms and seeing what is working for them and what is not.

This week we have some sponsors who have some awesome new baby items to offer. I find it amazing that in the short three years since I have had my son, so many new baby items and trends are already out. I was amazed and astounded by some of the things. However, I took big note of a couple of my favorites that I especially remember would have been great when I had my son, and are of huge help and popular with many new moms today.

To kick off our week of baby fun; here is a post I wrote for Moms Magazine.com about how I came to love my son. Some moms are lucky and fall head over heels in love with their children the moment they are put in their arms. I had a little harder time with that at first, and this is a beautiful story that I wrote about...


How I Learned To Love My Baby
Written By Renee Arbia
First Published by MomsMagazine.com "How I Learned To Love My Baby" By Renee Arbia




I was excited to get pregnant. We had been in the “trying for a child” phase of our relationship, and we were really excited when the test came back positive.

Pregnancy definitely did not suit me well. I gained over fifty pounds of weight; I claim I was never informed I would be perpetually hungry for nine months. I also got every single symptom that you can possibly get while you are pregnant. I would go to the doctor and say I have this cramp/rash/thing and they would say “yes, that is common with pregnancies”. This would be fine if you had just one or two of the symptoms, but not all of them. Not to mention, I never got that beautiful pregnancy “glow” that everyone says you have. My husband and I even joke that the only “glow” I had was the amount of white headed acne I had on my face. However, I endured it all; I did soberly, strongly, like most women for nine months (with even a week of bed rest). All because I knew I would have a beautiful baby that I would love.



That was the problem “WOULD LOVE”. I did not love the baby inside of me. I simply felt I did not know it. I liked it a lot, and cared for it, as you would a young being. Perhaps it was because we kept the sex of the baby a secret, or perhaps it was because having a baby scared me a lot, due to the fact that my own mother had passed away a few years earlier. However, wanting to have a child, I endured, like all women do. I just knew I would see my baby and I would fall in love.

Three days after my due date, and fourteen hours of labor later, we had a beautiful eight pound baby boy. The birth was a flash of an earthquake in my stomach in the living room, a crazy car ride to the hospital, nice epidural man, waking up to pressure, husband waking up to baby coming, pushing, pushing, pushing, sick of pushing, my husband screaming “It’s a boy. Renee it’s a boy!” and Xavier was placed on my chest and I looked into his eyes. I even said “Hi buddy”, but I was not in love. I quite frankly was exhausted and I was worried that Xavier was tired as well, and that we really should be wrapped in a blanket, or something, and wondering what would be happening next to us?




A lot happened in the hospital as I ended up having some complications after the birth. I attributed us not really bonding all that well at first to just not being home together as a family. When we finally got home it was wonderful at first being greeted by our family and friends. A couple days after they left I had a hard time home with Xavier. I was extremely exhausted due to the blood loss. I also got my milk in extremely late and he had problems latching. I finally decided to start pumping, as well as try to get him to feed off of me to get my milk really coming in.  I was so sure breastfeeding would bond us, but no matter how many different ways I tried it never worked. So I pumped and would try to feed him myself. I had an even harder time bonding with him, I felt like all I did was tend and care for him and I never got one smile, one blink, one nod, nothing. He mostly would cry around me.



As a stay at home mom I would have Xavier over eight hours a day, so I was determined to try to find a way to bond with this baby, that I thought would be so easy to love. I was actually jealous of my husband because you could just see his love for Xavier, his face would light up, and he would think Xavier was incredible. You could just see the love in his eyes.  I wanted to look at Xavier like that, but when I looked at Xavier all I could think was yes, Xavier’s cute, but he eats a lot, and poops a lot, and cries a lot. I could not see much else.



When Xavier was a couple of weeks old I started reading board books to him. I started a nap routine with him where we would sit in the rocking chair together read a book, he would nurse or have a bottle which ever was working at that time, and then I would put him down for sleep.

One day when Xavier was a month old, I took him to the rocking chair for his nap. A nap that I needed him to take, probably much more than he needed. I grabbed one of his favorite books (The Very Hungry Caterpillar) from the shelf, and cuddled him in the rocking chair, and started reading to him, and as I was reading I looked down at him, and I noticed that he was looking up at me, smiling. Tears ran down my eyes, as I hugged him, and said “You do love me! I love you too!” I finally felt it, that unconditional, crazy, protective, instinctual, miraculous motherly love that only a mother knows.


Perhaps for some of us we do not find love right away. Some of us prefer to get to know each other before we commit our hearts to each other. So just in case we are a little slower to jump, do not think we will not, for when we do, we jump with both feet. I never doubted that I would fall in love with my son. It was just a matter of getting to know each other. Being a mom is not easy. It is something that you must take day by day. Every mom will fall in love with her child. A mother’s love has been proven time and time again to be instinctual and forever binding. I know that when I read to Xavier every night when he goes to sleep and he still looks up at me with a smile almost three years later, that I am incredibly lucky to be able to call one of my loves, my son.




 #nextgenerationsahm, #nextgenerationsahmlifestyle, #momsmagazine #reneearbia, #learningtoloveyourbaby, #baby, #mommy, #newborn


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