Thank You, Proud of You, I Love You
By Renee Arbia
|Thank you Xavier for always being you and for choosing us to be your parents.|
There are billions of “should” and “should not” do’s when you have children. It is hard, as a parent to always know what to do. We just are not always running at hundred percent energy twenty four hours a day. When we stumble or wonder what to do, it is hard to know where to turn. I frequently turn to articles and books.
When I was pregnant I was always nauseated and not feeling well so I read a lot of books, some informative, some spiritual and some just for fun. A book that was just for fun ended up being a lot more. I read the book The Help a novel by Kathryn Stockett. It is also a movie. I highly recommend both the novel and movie if you have time to see or read it. In the story there is a nanny named, Abilene, she cares for a young girl around the age of three, everyday of the week. Abilene makes a point to say to the girl at least once a day, if not more, these three phrases; “You is kind. You is smart. You is important”. In the book she talks about how she has been a nanny for many children and she really always wants them all to appreciate themselves and be happy. It is an amazing message, and I’m sure you can imagine as a hormonal pregnant woman I was deeply moved. I thought about what phrases I would want to say to my child.
Fast forward three years and remembrance of those three phrases were gone alone with sleep and part of my brain that I lost and never got back from pregnancy. Until I heard three phrases repeated the other day and my mind jolted back to that message. Xavier and I were playing in his room. I told him he had to give me a hug and kiss and I wanted to talk to him.
|We are so proud of you and the big boy you are becoming!|
He had been behaving so well. He has been using the potty lately, and growing up so fast before our eyes. I wanted to be sure to thank him for doing so good with all the transitions he has had to go through lately. I wanted to tell him that I was so proud of him for mastering so many things in such a short time. Most of all I wanted to tell him that I loved him so very much. It is not that I do not tell him this stuff every chance I get. I do all the time, but for some reason that day seemed so extra special to me as we were playing on the floor with cars together that I wanted to make sure it was extra special for him.
When I asked Xavier to come give me a hug and a kiss he of course gave me the typical three year old response “why?” knowing my child who cannot resist a conversation, I replied with “because I want to talk to you”. He came slowly to me and then hugged me tightly and said “I know you want to thank me, and you are proud of me, and you love me lots and lots”. Suddenly, I felt that heartstring pull and my eyes swelled up with tears. I realized that I had been saying three phrases to my son all along. He is three and apparently already knows what I say to him. He hears “Thank you, I’m proud of you, and I love you” multiple times a day from both my husband and I. It is no wonder he repeats what he hears.
|We love you with all our heart!|
I am so happy with what he hears. Children do not miss anything; they catch every single look, every single syllable of a word, every single gesture and every single eye roll. All along we had been telling our son, “Thank you, We are proud of you, We love you”. They say that what you say to your children is what they will hear in their head for the rest of their life. I hope that is true, because I hope my son always knows how thankful we are for him, how proud of him we are and how much we love you, Xavier.
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