Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Tantrums



    Sometime during the last couple of weeks my son, Xavier has started throwing tantrums. He is now fourteen months old. He will randomly just start crying and sit on the floor and bang his hands and cry. I knew that Nick and I were in big with a child with our genes. We are both very theatrical and perhaps a tad over dramatic. However, the little spawn of us wandering around our house reminds me of an old time diva star!
    You may even have something slung at you during the day. Though never intentional. He will just randomly get frustrated with a toy and throw it. You have to keep your distance! What frustrates him? I cannot always tell. Seems to me to be anything and everything. There are times when he gets mad because I am leaving the bathroom and apparently he wants to stay. There are times when the five minutes to heat up his lunch is not fast enough for him. There are times when his toys are not properly laid out for him, and of course times when "oh my gosh!" you put water in the wrong cup!
Then, there are times when he just randomly starts throwing a tantrum. Times like in the middle of dinner, right after a nap,  in the middle of his toys and on my lap. Those I have no idea what caused them and what to do to fix them.
   I have to admit I was hoping to write a different article today. I was going to look up all the different ways of handling tantrums and try out each one and let you know which ones worked for me and which did not. Sounds like a great article doesn't it? Well, guess what? There are not any real ways of solving tantrums. At least not any that I can't honestly say I don't already do and he still throws them. The few tantrum tips I did read sounded more like how to handle a kidnapper, things such as "Remain Calm", "Be Firm", "Maintain Boundaries" and "Don't let them pressure you"! So I have no words of wisdom to offer all of you hopeful parents.
     I can tell you what I took away from all my research and what I hope just ends up working out like the many problems you run into raising a child. This too shall pass for it is just a phase. However, in the meantime of this phase it does help to keep some things in mind. Remember the main reason your child has a tantrum is because they feel that their emotions are not being acknowledged.
    You can have two types of tantrums the manipulative (usually in older toddlers around two years old) and the frustration tantrums (typical in one year olds). Xavier definitely has the frustration ones. For frustration tantrums the best thing is empathy just let them know that you hear them and are there for them. Also, it is good to know that shouting never helps a tantrum it only escalates the problem fast.
    Right now I pick my battles with Xavier. There are times when I ignore his tantrum such as when he wants to stay in the bathroom and I am leaving. I find turning off the light and stepping over him and out the bathroom tends to have him stop throwing a tantrum and come outside. Though there was one time he stopped throwing a tantrum came outside the bathroom and sat back down and continued his tantrum! There are also times when I console his tantrums. Like when he is upset because he cannot do something or he does not get to play outside as long as he wanted. Once in a while, though  not very often, I give in to his tantrums. Like when he wanted a certain cup for water. I figured it is less to wash anyway!
     If I have learned nothing else in my fourteen months as a parent to my first born son it is that Mommy knows best! I have never been more sure of myself then my decisions since being a mom. I think all mothers have it in them to be great they just need to listen to their instincts and stop worrying what everyone thinks. You will amaze yourself at what you already know. As no one knows your child better then you!



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