Friday, June 21, 2013
No Regrets Stay At Home Mom
There has been a big story in the "parenting news" (as I affectionately call it) lately about a mom who stayed at home with her three boys, she worked during the first two then when she had her third she stayed home. Now that her boys are all grown up and out of the house she has written a big story about how she regrets being a stay at home mom. She says things such as her marriage took on a "1950s type feel to it" and how it is hard to find a job right now. The woman is now 33 and having a hard time getting back into her career. I normally do not comment much on news posts but I feel as a new stay at home mom of 32 I have a different perspective that I think people should consider.
I have been a stay at home mom now for over two years. I would be lying if I said that every single day I am so glad to be a stay at home mom, but I would also be lying if when I was working I said the same thing. No matter what you do in life be it stay at home or go to work, you have good days and bad days. We as human beings have a big sense of greener pasture syndrome; meaning those moms who work wish they could stay home and those who stay home wish they could work.
I do not think there is one better choice then the other. I also do not think that you have to be able to still work at home as a stay at home mom or have connections to work. I think what the big problem is in our society and we as individuals measure ourselves on what we DO not who we ARE. What I do is be a mom who stays at home with her children first and foremost, the second thing I do is write. However, neither are who I am. I think if you want to know who you are think about a magic genie. If a magic genie came to make all your wishes come true, what would they be? Would you give yourself a career of your choosing and a wonderful nanny to your children? Would you spend everyday with your family? Would you travel? Would you excel at a hobby? That is the essence of who you are. The problem is most people are waiting for that magic genie.
If you are unhappy at home, it is because you are unhappy as a human being not just your situation. You need to find what is missing in your life. Have you lost your passion? Do you not have time for yourself? Do you feel a need to contribute differently to your family?
Our society especially in the United States diminishes family values a lot. It is up to us as individuals to bring that back. In order to create a stable and wonderful family environment for your spouse and children you need to be happy in who you are and the world around you. Find your bliss and the world around you will fall into place.
I believe this is what that poor woman is missing. She sacrificed her life for her children a notable idea, but she would have done much better being sure to put herself first. You are the best role model for your children when you show them that you are following your dreams no matter what they are. As a parent you have a big responsibility to your children to show them how to navigate the world. It does not help them if while you are teaching them you are not following your own advice. We teach our children to be happy and do whatever they want in this world. I do not know a single parent who does not want their children to feel like they are capable of being who ever they want to be as long as they are happy. As adults we need to keep that motto in mind as well. For the greatest way our children learn is from watching us, not listening.
I love being a stay at home mom. However, I also am able to work on my passion of writing as well, which is why it is a great arrangement for us. That is not to say it works for everyone. If you are staying home just because you feel it is best for the children, but you are miserable in the process you are not setting a very good example for them. Do something with your life that you love and are passionate about and your children will follow. Do not compare your life to others you do not know what their path is going to be. Everyone's path is different there is not only one way for everyone.
Also, what makes you think that you cannot start another career? This woman is only 33. I know plenty of people starting new careers even older then that. Not to mention the way the economy has been going who is to say that this woman would have even kept her job all this time. This is why we as human beings need to remember that we are NOT a job. There is not only one thing we are capable of doing or being. The possibilities are endless we just need to remember to open our minds to all of the possibilities.
Lastly, I get annoyed when women say things like "women fought for our right to be in the workplace". That is not the only thing women fought for. Women fought for our right to choose! They fought so that women can choose to follow whatever is in their hearts the way men can. Remember that you are not your career nor any one thing, you are a multifaceted human being with many talents and gifts to offer the world. You are never too old to do what you want to do. Just remember that if you can dream it you can do it and that is the best role model your children can ever have.