Thursday, March 14, 2013
Why is it that we as woman decide to drive ourselves crazy? Is there not enough outside stimulus to drive us crazy? There are many things that are completely out of our control that drive us crazy. Yet many times we are the ones that drive ourselves crazy. You are your worst critic.
I cannot speak for men, however, upon all my observations of our male species they do not seem to have this problem. Women everywhere need to stop criticizing themselves. We have enough problems to deal with on a day-to-day basis. It's like we have our own little bully in our head. It started when you were young. I'm not sure what starts her really, perhaps your first real bully experience as a child. Then, she is in your head. She picks on your clothes and your hobbies and things you think you excel at. She will keep you from attaining goals as you get older. She may even tell you you are not good enough to be with a certain guy. If you are lucky you may get to adulthood and at least realize that you have this voice and that you need to not listen to her and live your life positively. Then, you decide to have a child. When you decide to have a child your voice becomes even bigger. That bully inside your head is louder because it is not just your bully anymore there is one for your child as well. Now, every time you are bullied for something you messed up, you are bullied for messing something up for your child as well. Let's say that you are snuggling with your baby on the couch. Baby falls off the couch. The first thing you think is
What happened? I'm not really sure, we were just watching tv and the baby was sleeping and the next thing I know he is on the floor? Was it me? Did I push him on the floor? Did he roll over suddenly? No, no, it must have been me! Oh my god, how could I do that? How could I NOT know what I did! I am such a horrible mother! Oh my husband is going to hate me! I am ruining my child. He is going to grow up horrible because he fell off the couch!
I challenge any mom to say that one or any of those thoughts have not run through their head in a similar situation. Some moms have more. You see that bully voice inside your head is beating you up and you get an extra smack down from the bully voice for your child. Why is it that when we become mothers we suddenly think of ourselves as superhuman? Why all of a sudden? Well, I mean I guess we are extremely proud! We went through A LOT to have our child. ( No matter what way you end up getting a baby ). So if we could get through all that and be as great as we are, we must be superhuman!
Newsflash moms, we are not perfect and we never will be. For what is perfect? Every family, every mom and every child are different. They have their own homes, foods, rules, their own plans in life. Perhaps a mistake that a mom makes one day is what saves her child another. Perhaps if a mom forgets to strap her child in a highchair and he falls one day, from then on straps her child extremely well in everything and one day especially in his car seat. Perhaps that knowledge she learned from the first mistake is what saves her son's life the next time. Perhaps, because we are superhuman, we do not make mistakes. Perhaps we are following a very calculated path. A path that although does have a few bumps in the road is still worth following. However, remember that it is so much more enjoyable if you do not have one or two bully voices knocking you down.
I think there are a few things though that we as moms could try instead. The next time you feel you have made a "mistake" like the above situation with the baby falling off the couch instead of the above horrible thoughts think of the good thoughts
Oh I am so glad you are not hurt! Mommy loves you so much I could not bear it if you were seriously hurt. You are safe now because mommy is here. Mommy will make you feel better. What will it take for you to feel better? Oh mommy knows! Mommy knows you love your ABC song, come on let's sing ABC.....
See how you are still acknowledging and learning from the situation but not beating yourself up. You are turning the negative into the positive and still taking along the valuable lesson.
Please share this idea with the moms and woman in your lives that you know. It is important we that spread joy and happiness. A way to get through the days on a positive note instead of a negative. A way to prove to moms that they can be superhuman in their own special way.