Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Definition of a Next Generation Stay At Home Mom

   I have been asked many times what a "next generation stay at home mom" is, so I thought it fitting that early on in this blog I would address it. It is just a name I came up with as I was thinking of things to write about. There are many blogs about stay at home mom's but I have noticed the majority of them are from veteran moms and who do things the way the past generations have ( at least stay at home mom style ). Honestly, as a new stay at home mom I added the next generation because I believe we have different challenges and goals then our previous generations have had. No longer are the days of the June Cleaver's or the workaholic moms, but instead a delicate balance.
     In fact when telling many of my friends that I am a stay at home mom majority are very surprised to see that someone my age with my first child would choose such a path. My path did start for financial reasons, but has ended up more from our personal preference.  My husband is an extreme type A personality, he has a hard time sitting still. One of his jobs that he does on most Saturdays is a hobby that also happens to pay. I cannot argue with that. If I got paid for my hobbies he would let me pursue them at my whim as well. So we figured with him mainly working six days a week it would be unfair to our kids if we both worked full time. We at least did not think it would work for our family. My main order of thinking is that I can always get a job but my child will only be young once and I do not want to miss it and I want to be there for everything possible so we are very fortunate to have a great relationship.

   THE NEXT GENERATION OF STAY AT HOME MOM IS NO LONGER:
- Identityless, ie- Mrs. Husband's name, or so and so's mom only
- Keep all feelings and interests buried and only pursue in the supposed free time that we as moms know we will never get
- We have to be perfect on any level (according to societies standards)
- Are responsible for all household duties, chores and child rearing while the husbands rest and are not allowed to be stressed
- Follow all rules for child rearing, house keeping, etc.

THE NEXT GENERATION STAY AT HOME MOM IS:
- The term "mom" and "wife" are only an aspect of ourselves, not our whole identity, they are some of the many sides of us. We are a woman first and foremost.
- We now realize that we have to put ourselves and our happiness first. For if we are not happy our family is not happy. We have to take care of our physical and emotional needs first before we can help our families.
- We are able to pursue many outside interests for we are very multifaceted. It helps keep our sanity and make sure we are fulfilled as human beings.
- We make sure that our husbands/fathers/partners contribute not just financially to our household. They are present with child rearing, household chores and duties as well. The entire household weight is not on ourselves. Not only is it not fair for us, but it is not fair for our partners to be left out of our household life because they must earn a living for us. The next generation of stay at home mom's recognize this as an asset. We make sure that partners feel they are contributing other then financially and we revel in watching them do so, we do not nag that they do not do as well as we, we teach, encourage and watch as they develop their own methods.
- Unlike previous generations, our primary concern should be our children. It is now acceptable to let the laundry pile a little, or have a cheap take out dinner in the oven once in a while if it means you spend some extra time playing on the floor with your little ones. After all, we realize our children will remember the time spent with us, not what the house looked like.
-Lastly, we do not conform to societies standards, but rather stretch boundaries in all aspects of our families' lives. We read and find out the most up to date information and make informed decisions on our own. We do not have only one way of doing things, but rather a plethora to choose from and do so by our own methods.

I believe this is the main difference between the different generations of stay at home moms.  We have learned many lessons from the previous generations of stay at home moms, both good and bad, I believe this next generation owes it to our children to carry on with the good and find new ways to add in to the best job in the world!

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